Things fall

1206pm 27/3/25

By and by, things fall apart.

A close friend of mine, I told him I do not consider friendships. He asked me what are we then? I told him I see you as someone born on this planet around the same time as me, and we are together to help each other out.

He had visited me to speak to me of his feelings- a girl he is attached to showed interest in me. She would have shown interest in anyone I believe, it is an important case.

I told him painful things, that she asked me to come on a trip with her for her birthday. I did consider it, at the time I was in the twilight zone. I wondered, why must I change my behaviour for someone else, would it not be better to do what happens, to let him be hurt so he can let go.

The ego can play with good intentions. Good intentions are the worst. They hurt more than bad intentions. It splits the other person, when you hurt them in reality but say your intentions were good. This is a lie, the intention is an excuse.

I spoke to him. I told him it is tough for me to change myself for someone else. Truthfully, there was nothing to change, I had done nothing wrong. Here too the ego functions, instead of observing we create sides. Right and wrong instead of understanding. I instinctively thought myself under attack and tried to justify. This too is folly.

I knew what is right, but it took some time to get to it.

I spoke to my mother, I told her of the situation. She told me the girl is not good for us, to let her go and ask my friend to let her go too. When did I catch her? For when we first met, I was not interested in her. Only when she showed interest did my ego kick in. It waited for a moment to declare to the world I am interested, so I would be trapped. Fortunately, this did not happen.

See people, how they advertise themselves. Like a car you did not need to buy, you get swayed. By people who pay attention to you- lifestyle gurus, women and salesmen.

Ask yourself, what am I even deciding upon? Is it a real thing? Or is it in my head?

The idea of the girl liking me, that is in his head. It is in mine too, for it inflates the ego- look, she did not like you but she liked me. It is folly, for he is more likeable than I. He is more virtuous than I. It would be a sin to create such a reality where he suffers, for something I have not even earned. What have I done for her to like me? It is infatuation, for it is her doing. We drug ourselves. Like weed I sit, as I sit I am neutral. It is someone else using me to fall asleep. Shall I not be used? No, I cannot do anything. For I am weed, an object. It would be silly for weed to think ‘look how good I am, people cannot live without me.’ It is best to not be liked, to not be craved.

You become a dependence for others. You like this. You depend on others, you dislike this. Why the two faces?

I spoke to my mother, she told me the girl is not appropriate for me. The veil was lifted, of attachment. There is nothing in her I like, except that she likes me. Such are most of our relationships. That too is a lie, for I do not know if she likes me. Why wouldn’t she?

I am a likeable man. In fact, I am a lovable man. However, I do not like others. This is possible too. It is possible for me to be on a higher ground at times, to become the rejector. Why do I not do it? It is scarcity. The mind is hungry and would eat whatever it finds. This can lead to ingestion of poisons.

Only yesterday was I contemplating this- attachment to my previous love interests ruined many things. What did I even get attached to? Attachment is fixation on one dish in a buffet. You fixate at first because you like it, but you quickly forget there are other dishes too. Eventually, you will get bored. The problem is here, that when you get bored you panic- oh no, there is no other food. There is. Your tunnel vision deceives you.

I am not doing this for my friend. In fact, I am not doing anything at all. I see someone hurt, and the solution to that hurt is not that they find someone else to love. It is to let go of attachment.

According to me.

Do unto others as they want done unto themselves. Is there merit to this view? Perhaps he is a simple person, just jumping onto another ship while the one you were on burns is a valid method. To get burned fully is a valid method too- suffering stops in both- but one is not better than the other. It is the worst thing, to force someone to burn when they want to jump and to force someone to jump when they want to burn.

I think I am the latter one.

Burn it all away. These bridges.

Another problem, ego. The girl is not at fault. She is doing what she must. Look at her as a teacher, do not judge her or harm her. Be kind. Use kind words for her, but do not get swept away. This is your mother, she too knows the character of another but gets swept away by tears. This was the last mistake.

What do you want? For if you considered it for a moment, that means there was hunger. If you consider eating poison for a moment- and it was poison for it would have caused harm in the long run, for everyone involved- that means you are really hungry.

Whom do you seek? Love is a game. I saw this in a negative way. Now I see it in a positive way. It is a game, and you can choose whom to play it with. You can enjoy a game only with friends whom you like. So whom do you like?

She lives in Mumbai and plays Valorant. We meet on the weekends. She has many life problems, but enjoys solving them. I can help her solve them. She cooks, and I enjoy her cooking. She has her own home that I can stay in, with such neutrality that I become a part of the furniture. She would feel her home is complete when I am in it.

To prove detachment, polygamy is not the way. It is an understanding of the game. Oh to love someone, for them to accept your love, is incredible. She has a pet. I make the pet happy to see me. We play music together.

It is possible, and I will have this. Through effort, I must increase my strength and energy. I have been doing so already. I have been choosing the right moments to exert, to push. This is a useful method in this moment for me, and I am grateful to have accepted it. The sleep hypnosis by Michael Sealy is helping too. I am on day 10 today.

The next one, I know which one it is.

To achieve this relationship, I want a job. Tomorrow I meet the Chairman. We will create something wonderful.

Back to my friend and the girl. I wish peace for them. Allow me to play my part, even if it means upsetting people. Even if it means throwing them off roof tops, knowing they will be caught. If I believe that everything works out, does that not apply for others too? For how can I be at peace when the other is not.