#2.0- 02/12/23
There was once a boy who lived in a world of food. He was not a glutton; he simply enjoyed the food around him, curious about different cuisines and styles. Concepts such as craving and binge eating did not apply to him, for those concepts stem from anxiety. Of all the things he could enjoy free from anxiety, he just happened to choose food with contentment.
Until one day, he learned of hunger. He learned of this sensation from others around him. He had never experienced it and felt left out. Strange, you might say, but looking at your past, have you not felt conflict for reasons you later deemed silly? The point is conflict. Whereas most beat themselves up for things they lack, he beat himself up for things he had.
Our boy saw hunger and wished to know what hunger felt like. Perhaps it was guilt for having more than the others. He desired to earn his fulfilment. And so, he stopped eating.
There was a sense of terror that others felt at hunger, but to the boy, it was something new. He was curious. He still remembered what fulfilment felt like. So he hungered in a land where there was no food and where he had to work. He did so, fascinated by the work. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed the food, too.
Soon he could not taste the food; he only thought of how the next meal was going to come. This whole setting did not give him the fulfilment he had at the start. Though he ate, he hungered and hungered. He still knew fulfilment was possible, and so initially he was patient, thinking he would feel his food one day. Then he slowly began to forget what fulfilment felt like, and panic began to erupt. Until one day, he completely forgot—but the panic still remained. He forgot the reason for his feelings, yet the feelings linger.
Then the boy discovered knowledge. He read and studied to remember why he panics. He began to think this might help. He grew closer and closer to sources that would alleviate his woes. These sources enjoyed food and did not work for it. He found great guides and tried each one of their methods to find fulfilment in food. Until one day, he opened his eyes and saw food everywhere. He had not moved. He had not changed. Only then did he see food again.
He was back where he came from. In fact, he had never left. His simple desires—to want hunger and to want fulfilment—led him to the reality he wished for. He realised that the only difference between the land of fulfilment and the land of hunger was that he felt he had to toil. Mere existence felt like work.
He learned that food would always be there. And if food will always be there, he has a choice: he could either toil for it or simply exist for it. He realised that he had, at the start, chosen to simply exist for it. Then he chose to toil for it. In both cases, he had a choice, and he loved both of them until he forgot that this was his doing.
First, he forgot that he earned this life simply because he chose it. Then, he forgot he had chosen hunger. Perhaps if he had recalled his choice, there would have been no panic. He felt guilt in the first world and pain in the second.
When he realised this, he rejoiced. He enjoyed both worlds thoroughly. He realised that he did not need to choose anymore because food was always there. All he must choose is whether he enjoys it or not. Because whether he enjoyed it or earned it, all that matters is that he could taste it.
So why even look for food? Simply because it is his nature to enjoy the food. Perhaps one day he will forget his trip to the land of hunger and return to it. Then he may forget his trip to the land of fulfilment and return to it. What a wonderful cycle it is, because both worlds are his.
In the land of food, he envied those who hungered, and in the land of hunger, he envied those who had food.
Eventually, he began to wonder- 'if forgetting where I came from is possible, then where did I originally begin?'
#1.0- 19/09/23
There was once a boy who lived in a world of food. He enjoyed eating such wonderful things. He was not a glutton, he simply enjoyed the food around him, curious about different cuisines and styles. He loved food for the sake of food- none of the concepts of craving and binge eating applied to this boy. For those concepts stem from anxiety- people binge eat because they are anxious. But for this boy there was no anxiety, and of all the things he could enjoy free from anxiety, he just happened to choose food. Food was not his therapy either, because for therapy you need some problem. Food was all the boy needed, and so there were no problems in his life.
Until one day he learnt of hunger. He learnt of this sensation from others around him. He had never experienced it, and felt left out. Strange you might say, but look at your teenage years- did you not feel conflicted for strange reasons like these? What difference is it if your conflict was that you wore different clothes or did not speak the language or were not as intelligent as those around you. The point is conflict. Whereas most beat themselves up for things they lack, he beat himself up for things he had. Much like the Buddha, who felt conflict because of the suffering he saw.
Our boy saw hunger and wished to know what hunger felt like. Perhaps it was guilt for having more than the others without doing anything special that he lost what he had. Regardless, he desired to earn his fulfilment. And so, he stopped eating.
The thing is, when we are hungry, we seek out food to satiate our hunger. Only when we satiate our hunger can we enjoy any food without the pressure of hunger. It is like saying that only when you cover your basic expenses can you afford your wants.
This seems normal. There is a sense of terror that others felt at hunger, but to the boy it was something new. He was curious. He still remembered what fulfilment felt like. So he hungered in a land where there was no food. Here, where he was, it seemed that he must labour for food. That he must earn his food. He did so, and work fascinated him. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed the food too. Soon though, the focus shifted from work he had to the food he did not.
But when we labour and toil for food, we do not taste the food. We can only think of how the next meal is going to come. And so, no matter how much the boy earned his food, it did not give him the fulfilment he had at the start. Though he ate, he hungered and hungered. He still knew fulfilment was possible, and so initially he was patient. Thinking he will feel his food one day. Then he slowly began to forget what fulfilment felt like and panic began to erupt. Until one day, he completely forgot- but the panic still remained. How strange, we often forget the reason for our feelings yet the feelings linger.
Then, the boy discovered knowledge. He read and studied to understand his feelings- remember that he has forgotten why he panics. He began to think this may help. He grew closer and closer to sources that would alleviate his woes. These sources enjoyed food and did not work for it. He found great guides, and tried each one of their methods to feel fulfilment in food. Until one day, he opened his eyes and saw food everywhere. He had not moved. He had not changed. Only he saw food again.
He was back to where he came from. In fact, he had never left. His simple desires- to want hunger and to want fulfilment- led him to the reality he wished for. He realised that the only difference between the land of fulfilment and the land of hunger was that he felt he had to toil. Mere existence felt like work. He began to exist for the work that got him food, instead of how he would only live for the food. In both worlds, there was food.
He learnt that food will always be there. And if food will always be there, he has a choice: he could either toil for it, or simply exist for it. He realised that he had, at the start, chosen to simply exist for it. Then he chose to toil for it. In both cases he had choice, and he loved both of them until he forgot that this was his doing.
First, he forgot that he earned this life simply because he chose it. Then in the land of hunger, he forgot he earned this life simply because he chose it. Had he recalled his choice, there would have been no panic. He felt guilt in the first world and pain in the second.
When he realised this, he rejoiced. He enjoyed both the worlds thoroughly. He realised that he need not choose anymore, because food is always there. All he must choose is whether he enjoys it or not. Because whether he enjoyed it or earned it, all that matters is his stomach is being filled.
So why even look for food? Simply because it is his nature to enjoy the food. Perhaps, one day he may forget his trip to the land of hunger and return to it. Then he may forget his trip to the land of fulfilment and return to it. What a wonderful cycle it is, because both worlds are his.
In the land of food he envied those who hunger and in the land of hunger he envied those who had food. Both are his no?
Finally my question to you: if we assume he kept forgetting and returning to the lands of hunger and food, where did he begin from?