These eyes see so much. They seem to speak different languages. Often we are trained in only one language, but just as learning a new language can open up worlds, so do new ways of seeing things. The things that we notice in our lives are truly incredible- different minds can gather different things from the same picture. Imagine then, what about pictures none of us have ever seen? To bring these personal pictures to life seems to be what art is. God made us in his image, then we were in his mind no?

Julia Cameron highlighted how the word ‘creator’ is a synonym of ‘artist’. If art is bringing out what is deepest within us, and God is an artist, then theory suggests we were what God held deepest within him. Just as art can reflect its creator, can we do so too? How do I do this?

I seek a new world. A new language. I have seen many worlds, they are deep within me. In this blog and journals, I have tried to show them to you.

Everything is my creation. The life I lead is what is deepest within me. How shall I change then? It seems the key is to relax more than to do. To go with the flow, but I am one of those who wonder what a log flowing down the river thinks. Quite absurd when you think about it, but isn’t that what I am doing to myself?

Today my father accepted that he holds responsibility for the Finnish decision. A monumental moment, for it means he wishes what is best for me. Truly. To let go of ego is no small feat, especially when the consequences of your ego were so huge. Look at me for example, my ego refused to see how Bangalore was my creation.

I feel in limbo. It feels that life has stopped, but theory suggests nothing could be further from the truth. Life does not stop. How do I find God?

Today I felt ambition. It felt normal, but must I remind you the years it has been since this feeling to be something came up? It is a big deal, but it also isn’t.

It seems to me that I am bored. Wonderfully, after long have I no routine. I am falling freely, but this time my posture seems to be better. Thank you for the habits, past me.

There are ideas, but there is fear as well. The Problem Sculptor idea seems the best one. Where is the place where I can thrive? Ought it not to be anywhere? Why should I even thrive? Am I creating my own obstacles?

What overjoyed me was when my father recognized that I would think less when I kept creating things, reading and stayed busy. I then told him that Karan is what I mean by wanting my integrity back.

And I have never felt more fearful.

I am scared that it will not be possible. That like an overconfident kid who does not try, for there is real danger of failure. Let me ask you then, what happens if you do not try?

If you do not do the Problem Sculptor idea, someone else might. You shall then feel bitter. You will have one less achievement to your name. You will miss out on failure.

If you do not achieve integrity you will remain conflicted, brooding over the past you. You can only realise your mistakes once, anything more is brooding over the past. Your life will be regretful.

How shall you win? There are 6 days in your hands before another reset.

A little later-

I sent my draft of the story of the boy and food to people. I am scared. I don’t think they will enjoy it or get it. I think it sounds too much in the face, like it has no story. I should have written a better story based on that concept. Oh well. Man, such anxiety. What if they are dishonest in their feedback? Okay, I must encourage good feedback. I should not take it personally. What if they think it is about me? Okay, that is okay. Is it not truly a story about everyone? Heck, Krishna wrote about it too, then am I a copier?

What is the objective? To be original? No, to express. Stories are to express; they have lessons in them. Indeed, this anxiety is incredible- for them it may seem like an unexpected message but for me it is a step to integrity. Indeed, I am a storyteller. Granted I learned to write stories functionally, for English class with the right number of fancy words, but that’s still the only medium I have. Oh how I wish for better vocabulary, sentence structure and grammar. Descriptive writing, where are you? Parables are simple.

Isn’t this exciting?

More later-

People responded well to the story. It seems general enough to resonate. I am glad.