Core memory- Wadhwa Balcony

What a day I have had. To sit and drink and smoke with my father's oldest friends. I told them of my love for Rukhsora. Rajeev uncle told of his crushes. To hear them talk and disagree and listen. I felt happy, good male company. I feel honored they treat me like one of them. I can express myself. Bunny uncle suggested I can come there for masters, i would love that. The future excites me. Such laughter. I am glad I got cigarettes, I have no burden of them anymore, they were well spent. I’d love to be a model. 

I smoked the first cigarette with Rajeev uncle. I told him I felt cool, as he is dad's best friend, to smoke with him. That these cigarettes are for special occasions. They told me my personality made me stand out of the crowd. I feel encouraged. 

We spoke of women and to be gentle with them

of politics

of regret

sigh, Rukhsora, are you still around? Will I get to meet you? I hope some day, when I have made it 

experiences and people is what life is about said Vineet uncle.

We spoke about dogs, and breeds of dogs that don't shed

So many wine top ups and smokes

Their mother checked in just as Rajeev uncle predicted, i hid the cigarettes, they told her I was the leader of this party

They make you feel so special, it is beautiful.

Thank you.

One of the best nights of my life.

I feel so comfortable.

They loved the razors, and I am full of joy.

I feel proud to be someone they like.

Keep on going.

Spoke to Niomi too, felt love.

I hope to meet her, she is so nice.

I hope she feels better, she lets go of body image, she finds herself, finds peace.

I am my best teacher, I found the guide.

All things come to me.

Manifestations work, they did not wish to go for the party

yet for their brother they let go

and the universe showed up to cancel.

Balcony, the breeze and tossing buds into the street.

Cheese, wine, whiskey and rum.

Water too.

My heart is full, to think my mother too will be this old,

old as Wadhwa aunty.

But so will they all,

and then I shall hold their hand.

Then i shall bring the world to them.

Then i shall enjoy each moment.

To be someone they are proud of,

will be my best gift.

It is all I ask for,

to push the baton further.

All the wealth,

classy and personal,

for these people:

parents brother Wadhwas.

To guide the younger ones,

spend time with my ages,

born at the best time,

well done.