Cravings

So many reasons to do it and not do it. I could justify anything. Do I take the tougher way or let loose? Do I gratify or wait?

I have answered that question before, to wait is better. Yet when the opportunity comes, what if I only wait and never go ahead? Herein lies the delusion, that to wait is a sacrifice. To wait is the reward itself for the one who observes. Am I the one who observes? Theoretically yes, many advices point to it.

To observe a craving is like observing an accident. There is a craving to run or to do something about it. But true observation knows that whatever must happen will happen, there is little I can do. The conflict eats me up, do I act or do I resist. The answer is neither. Observing the scene does not mean not doing anything. It means to see everything, including yourself. Seeing yourself help or not help, cry or criticise.

To observe this is difficult. In the greatest storm, you must find the calm to observe the storm. Even yourself being swept up by it. There is little you can do. In fact, if you try to do anything you will be at a disadvantage.

Ugh. Do I do it or not? Yesn’t, nobody said it would be easy. It is easy to give in or to refrain. Both need force. Just stay. Wait for nature to play itself out. What to do then? I don’t know.

Later:

I watched The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Life of Pi.