2 Months Left- Part 2

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t grown up so soon. That instead of being well-behaved and academically brilliant, I had let loose and make mistakes. Perfection may have cost me my childhood, though I didn’t force myself to behave. I found my 7 year old peers to be immature owing to their unruly behaviour, which I now wish I had been a part of.

Those moments are gone, now onward I must use what I have learnt for the betterment of others. The will to serve my friends and nation had always come as the product of a natural ambition to be remembered for good. This year has given a new dimension to the realm of possibilities that lies spanned across my mind. It has seen my focus shift from the innate academic ability in formal schooling I once wielded, to a wider, less structured education. It made me realize that I keep getting in my own way, either by overthinking or brashness. Balance is the key. These days I brim with the want for immediate action, any inability to be productive frustrates me.

Exchange has stoked my passion for ineffable, glorious greatness while, paradoxically, forcing me to adopt a more realistic point of view and approach to that glory.

It has expanded the reach of my resources, which are spread across five continents, making me better understand the near infinite possibilities that may follow if I were to attain complete mastery of even half of them.

Take my father for example, I have long abandoned the hot blooded temperament that made me reluctant to seek his advice. My ego forced me to keep and solve each of my problems in secrecy. Now, however, I have realized his ability to network. How he knows whom to call and, if he doesn’t, he leaves no stone unturned. I increasingly seek his practical wisdom, knowing that if I were to approach him with a problem, which  my existing resources cannot solve, he would be relentless in using the full extent of his to present me a solution. If I do not take advantage of his diverse network,it would be an ardent insult both to those who lack such privilege and my future potential.

Exchange took me 6000 miles from home and put me in a foreign land. The cultural and language differences lead to ample misunderstandings. This year has deepened my sympathy for those misunderstood, furthermore I have also discovered an un-noticed empathy for them through realizing that I have never found a person capable of empathizing with my methods and goals. I have not found someone who understands me almost completely. Each of my friend knows different ‘eras’ of my personality and there isn’t someone who knows the full history. To settle this I seek a pen pal, a stable friend no matter where I go.

Through the fostering of deeper human emotions, the increased benevolent kindness toward others is also accompanied by new vigilance toward the snakes in the grass. I am now cautious toward those who may take advantage of me. I am able to now identify those who mean well and those who do not, and, though my kindness is usually maintained for both, I keep my guard higher up with the latter. It is amusing that those who put their faith in humanity and give people a chance, also have the most to lose to it. After all, we are notorious for greed.

If one were to take advantage of my warmth, interestingly they would be first met with a brief burst of secret hate. Even more interesting is that their treachery would later be examined with even more leniency than before. I would double my effort to understand them. The idea that misunderstanding often brews negativity would compel me to hear them out, lavishly doling out the benefit of doubt. I consciously avoid doing the natural thing of shutting someone out. I have found kindness works much better, even though there is a greater risk of exploitation.

In spite of humans being the creatures most capable to understand one another, we frequently fail to use this immense power. We are unable to give people a chance, not that we are obligated to. It’s sometimes the more humane thing to do, but it is not a compulsion.

Kindness is never a compulsion.