Unable to cry

I was quite a sensitive child. I would spontaneously burst into tears at the slightest things. I couldn’t speak to my head teacher without sobbing. Once I cried because my teacher complimented my handwriting. And another time I literally went off while sitting. Just sitting!

But now it’s different. I am unable to cry. During times my heart scrunched up and tears would help, I would remember every bad thing to get them however I could only reach glassy eyes. It felt weird, frustrating even, especially since it was so natural for me once.

Then I met someone who was unable to cry like me. We wondered why it is so. And he said he did it to avoid emotions. He was ‘done with them’. Perhaps suppressing them became second nature.

But me, I think my body wants to save them for later. I don’t think my problems are big enough to cry about as others have it worse. At JBCN I always looked happy, so that the one time I was down, people would stare in disbelief and attend to me. I kept my ‘sad card’ up my sleeve.

Maybe I stretched it a bit too far.