A barrage I sent in an inspired morning.

To Gulrajni Sir

Good morning. what is meant by wakeful sleep in the Gita and yoga?

I am aware of yog nidra, does a yogi then sleep for the night also in this fashion?

Have you experienced it or learned it?

How is it different from normal sleep (I have a feeling it creates a lot more energy which can get irritating if not harnessed well).

Also, would you say your perception of time has remained the same through your life?

Do you experience it differently?

Do you also find utility in going back to the previous concepts of time once in a while for different tasks, which is when time becomes a set of tools which can be used differently!

Finally, are these questions important or a form of procrastination? I sthere even an answer or am I distracting myself. I don’t think so, they excite me. I have not felt such excitement, does that not mean something is to be discovered? I choose to believe. I think this is my trust issue coming out again, I have noticed it rear its head this past week. I am going to a therapist on monday. Some things must be cleared out to make space for new, exciting discoveries. Have a great day!

The time query stems from my dreams, they told me of a story in which time acts similar to Raama in Raamayana, where the greek gods bring it back to end the eternity of the titans. the titans exist outside of time, and karma exists in this world as well, so their boons are inexhaustible. Time is brought to bring an end to this, to bring back the seasons of good and evil.

As for sleepless sleep, I have been feeling something which prompts me in that direction. I think my dreams are getting more and more refined and communicative, I love it.

For the past few days I have been in a toss. I think the time story also refers to the implementation of a routine, which I have known to be useful. Just yesterday I told a friend that solutions, such as waking up at 5, which I have once used, can wear out and I find myself seeking newer solutions. I also understand that this can mean newer reasons for the same solution- which in a way defines motivation no? I think the dream gave me a newer reason for time and following it. It is amazing. What’s more amazing is that today a mosquito woke me up. I wrote it a letter (not literally, I am not going crazy), more of a metaphor for hardship.

For I see what the discerning mean by opportunity in problems, and I see an opportunity in you for waking up today. It is so random, and incredible, that you have deterred me from my bed today, for sleep is a great addiction of mine. You have deterred me by the sole virtue of annoyance. Thank you.

Once again the fear of sharing this with you haunts me a bit, leading to overthought. But I was given ease by Seneca in his words which say something to this effect-

Do not use the word ‘friend’ lightly. Before you make someone your friend, you must judge them. then once you have made them a friend, you must trust them. You must tell them things as if you were speaking to yourself and hide nothing.

Thus I treat you as a friend. I am very excited by these discoveries. I find them very special to me; but there is also a gnawing sense that I am- well, something like the imposter syndrome. It is strange, I learn words like panic attacks and imposter syndrome which can help me understand my emotions. It’s like an old man learning the use of emojis to express himself on text.  Granted the emojis are not 100% accurate, but I have just realised human connection is not 100% accurate. I can get that if I choose to live in my head- and does that not characterise this intimacy issue I have spoken of? Amazing. I must also inform you of another great discovery, I shall send you the writeup, but here it is in brief-

It seems to me I would like to engage in artistic expression. There is much bottled up, and art seems to be the way for me. I felt alive on the stage as a child. Artistic expression is also the antidote to trust issue no? For so many artists go through this, so many have imposter syndrome. I also hope that my art lies in the art of living.

OOO I REALISED that this thing I have where I constantly seek to be special or interesting to you, the world, anyone is also healed by artistic expression because I think there the aim is to feel special/interesting to one’s own self. It is also a synchronicity how the Psychology I am doing is under an art, not the science one.