There’s parenting 101, not everyone is a parent. Everyone is a kid though, and I’d argue it is much tougher to be a child than to be a parent. I say this because when it is difficult to be a parent, that parent is also a child. In a sense this person is fighting two battles, one against their kid, and one against their parent.

This is to help. In any war, the new replaces the old. In that sense, if you wish to stand a fighting chance, side with the new. This is the child. Side with your kids over your parents. If you are the sentimental type, the reason is because your kids are more tender and need someone. If you are the logical type, the reason is because your kids will outlast your parents- then who will take care of you?

Most of all, however, I recommend this because the child is foreign knowledge. This is often what creates the rift between children and parents- the generational gap. Truth is, no matter how much we try to preserve the past, that ship has sailed. Until you understand the cycles of time, use this working rule- the wagon moves forward. You may have created a comfortable place for yourself, but your child is on the wagon. This may be your inner child, your real child, the changing times.  You can remain in that place, but your child will not.

The fundamental of kidding around is this- you had good parents, you had bad parents, both I accept. In fact, often it is a mix, with some moments being that of loving your parents to a point of worship with a realisation of all that they have done for your life. In others, you may have a moment of deep hatred with a realisation of all that they have done for your life. Either is fine- because you are not your parents.

You are the kid.

When you give in to parental drama you side with the parents. You stop choosing the kid.

This applies to your parents, their parents, and so on. Many times, you will see the child in your parents shine through if your eyes are still clear. Do not take this to feel guilty about your hatred. Take this as proof, that the child is possible.

To be a kid can be difficult. You have no idea about the world. You take all the ideas from your surroundings and parents. They keep hammering you, because they don’t know any better. In an action oriented world, it is difficult to remain unhampered. You would like, one way or another, to be guided and led. That’s fine, because you can be guided by the child within. It is only a bit more difficult and scary.

So yes, the first bit of being a kid is to acknowledge you are a kid, not your parents. Many things that hurt your relationships even now, will be echoes of your parents’ behaviour that hurt you. You can drop them. What to do instead? I don’t know. But I do know dropping it will help.

How to drop it-

There are two parts in us- action oriented and thought oriented. Thinkers and manifesters. If you are someone who wishes to do something about everything that is fine. If you are someone who just lays around wishing for things to happen to them, that is fine as well.

For the first sort, there is the path of meditation and forgiveness. I don’t know much about that.

For the second, it sounds silly, but keep saying ‘I choose the child’. Over and over. Like a mantra. And believe it too. Initially, when it feels like a chore, power through it. But then there will be a moment where you do feel you have chosen the child. After this, when it feels like a chore, you can stop. Then repeat it as and when you please. Else you will get stuck in the classic trap of saying the mantra all day and not even enjoying the result.

This is a book about being a kid. Your kid. It is likely that you do not recall much of your childhood. The bits you do recall, are not childhood. In fact, wherever memory treads, it is adulthood. So there is no way of knowing what your kid is, the only way is experiencing. Thank goodness for that, because then you would try to mimic and fool yourself!

A bit frustrating, I know, but then good things are.

Movement for no-people. Say yes to every opportunity you get. You can set some boundaries- but the business of boundary setting is tricky. You want a limit that is not too far out that you do harmful things, yet you want it far enough to grow. In this case, what helped me personally was following the law. At least initially, it is an objective set of boundaries not governed by fear. It also keeps you safe and out of trouble- until you learn to brea- bend the law.