When they lay me on the table I was shivering. I recall the mask coming on. I recall waking up and crying hard. They kept asking me why I am crying, I said let me cry in peace, I will tell you later. In the moment as well it was fascinating how I felt like two separate people. Anaesthesia is a surreal experience. I enjoy surreal experiences.

Then as I woke, there was pain. I recall valuing health over everything. I want it to stick. I want my realisation that health matters the most to stick forever and ever. I never want to visit a hospital or a table. I wish to be healthy forever. The way is being shown to me.

I also recognise the importance of mental care. My heart goes out to those who are alone and cold. They must be feeling low. I hope they feel better. That a small moment occurs where they find strength to carry on. I hope the world heals. I see importance for being a psychologist. Yet I also recognise my folly of wanting to heal others before healing myself.

Truly I know, in an optimum position, I speak little. I will listen to others. The solutions will come to me and go. They will not be my discoveries. Ego still must die.

I am lucky to have a family that cares. The words which escaped me for my brother found their expression in tears when I held his hand. With that all was good. Such simplicity.