Cloverfield

14/10/24

Pointlesshub suggested this, and I watched it in one go. It was very gripping, like a delayed fuse. After watching it, I began to feel heavy and disturbed. I felt sad, empathetic. In a way it is a nice sign, I haven’t connected in this way since The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I think. That was much more intense. This was a bit less. The scene where they see Clover from Beth’s building, is very ‘big’.
After the movie I kept feeling sad. It was around this time I had begun to experiment with the use of imagination in helping us overcome helpless situations. In my imagination I saw myself on top of that apartment, telling them to hurry, or to tell the chopper to fly extra high. I would tell them some events, and when these come true one by one they will see I know the future and trust me.
I also see how there is a single point where I can warn them. Too soon, they will not learn the lessons. Too late, they will die. I choose the top of the building because I like the view, and feel it is a good enough point to tell them.

Rockstar

7/8/24

I had downloaded this movie 2 months ago. I watched it three days ago first, then today in theatres. How strange is it, that it got re-released? I had learned it was re-released in Mumbai, and felt I missed my chance to see it. Yet here it is again in Nashik.

I went with my mother, and realised we have different perspectives. It brought me peace to know this, so I can be on my own.

It breaks my heart that movie. His expression. His desire to suffer to be great, it all hits so close to my heart. It hits my heart. It hits my ego more that I don’t have that greatness, that it has been done already, that I missed my shot.

I wish to live. What I love about Jordan, is how natural he is. Why am I not like that? What keeps me? Why do I even want to be like that when he loses her at the end? I guess what I want is to be free. I hate my identity. This attachment I have to my past, to my parents, to what I am supposed to be.

It is rotten and dead. It is not alive. Some moments, I want to scream. I want to burn everything.

When he sees her in the end, at the concert. That is a moment. The song, it hurts. It sounds so light yet he is saying to scavengers that eat each bit of me, only leave my eyes so I can see my beloved.

Is that love possible? Is it wise? What to do?

That is not me. It is something that makes me feel.

I enjoyed the movie. Both times. When he sings Kun Faya Kun,

मन के मेरे ये भरम

कच्चे मेरे ये करम

लेके चाले है कहाँ मैं तो जानूं ही न

How

How to express like that? Where am I going? I am so lost I don’t want to be lost. What does it take? For I have tried falling in love, I was devastated but still here I am. I am still lost.

What is my purpose?

I feel. That is enough. Har paap ke kapade maile hai.

Above this, I have changed the layout a bit, there has been a gap. From here, I write where I watched the movie in the post itself.- 7/8/24

Theatres- good ones (I want to have my own theatre some day)- are a healthy escape for me. I learned to carry a blanket and water whenever I go.

These movies I watched in theatres.

Don’t Worry Darling

5/4/24

It was a nice movie but I have gotten bad vibes. I feel negative and sad. But yes, I found myself at the end thinking damn I really do not want to be in a relationship because I can become that guy. I would much rather have a great life, a safe space for girls, and relaxation. I want to be the guy that girls can treat like how they have been treated. What a strange thing to say. But yes, I don’t mind it, I think. Maybe it would be catharsis. I feel a clear woman will be wonderful to be around. She can do whatever she wants, and I trust they want good things. I love the feminine.

But yeah the movie was forgettable. Although, the idea of trying to make the girl happy, I have been there, it is a very weak mindset.

King Richard

28/3/24

What a wonderful movie. Bro was manifesting on a pro level. I cried at the end. I am happy. It’s crazy what they did. Wow.

Karthik calling Karthik

24/1/24

Okay, this is my last movie for some time. I have been watching too many, and it is contributing to my poor activity.

Regardless, this movie was nice. A good thriller. I enjoy how at the end of it, there was a good enough explanation. The first half of the movie and the second half are so different. It is another method of story telling, there is a low, the peak, then loss of peak and finally resolution. You may not get to the peak again, but you can at least accept where you are. Hey! Come to think of it, that’s how I am feeling now no?

There was a peak and now I feel down in the dumps again. That’s life. The only fear is I will mess up White Lab Coat, then let that be my priority. I shall print the script today.

The songs are nice, hate the word ‘badan’. Shonali seems to me a red flag. Karthik struck a deal with the devil it seems. I ought to take it easy. That is my lesson. Kochin seems quaint.

Peepli Live

23/1/24

My parents watched this movie in the theatre when it came out. I was a child, we were in Aurangabad and staying at the Gymkhana.

Watching this movie saddened me. It is painful to know this is reality. Either you are sensitive and aghast or desensitised and numb to this. I don’t want to live in such a place.

Why did this have to happen? Why is the good suffering in my world? What part do I play here?

Delhi 6

20/1/24

I had thought of this movie a few days ago, it showed up on Netflix.

First impression was it felt so ahead of its time, Abhishek Bachchan has a great collection of movies.

The dream sequence felt fresh, Chandani Chowk meets Time Square, what a fun vibe it would be.

The black monkey. It comes at a time I feel off. I feel anger for my brother, but I see it is my ego using this opportunity to feel right. No. I do not give in to this. In a meditation last night, I realised that I had never wanted to forget God. I had said let God be the only thought on my mind, for this is the only thought with which everything else can be done. Thank you for bringing me home, just like Roshan.

The Black Monkey creates fear, we use this fear to our advantage. My brother’s emotions hurt me, created fear that I am not as good as I thought myself to be. My hurt overshadowed my compassion. I did not lash out, but I also felt anger. Anger, even for a moment, sets us back tremendously. I have done well this time.

Let us unite. Let us fight the fear, not each other. Show me the way.

I loved Amitabh Bachchan’s cameo. I too hope to do movies with my kid some day.

Bhool Bhuliya

17/1/24

I had been meaning to watch this for a while. I love Akshay Kumar’s entry.

I see how the priests of India act for divinity what psychologists act for humanity.

Also the theme song has a very catchy string instrument rift. I do not know what it is called.

Old Boy

13/1/24

What the heck was this movie man. Lotta negative energy, reached Kahuwa.

She felt off because, as Arjun put it- ‘The movie is surreal, like it could happen to us. It is plausible, unlike supernatural movies there is no separation between reality and the movie’

I found this movie to be an example where it is like using your creativity for emotional disturbing things the emotion equivalent of using your creativity to build an atom bomb.

Sonia said another name- Mr bollen.

I love the action sequences in this movie though. It felt realistic. That was the best part. This movie must be watched in one setting else the plot may be lost. It must also be watched when one is guarded against negativity.

It was a different movie, in a genre of its own. I know it is special when I judge it to be of negative energy. Very gory though. Korean movies are a strange spectrum from Ghibli to this.

Qarib Qarib Single

10/1/24

Watched Irfan during the Rajiv Masand Roundtable. They mentioned this movie. In this time of life, I have dating apps and I wonder what romance (I realise this is the word) for me.

This movie showed up on my Netflix page, the first thing there was as I told myself to just click whatever I see. I was hooked.

I love Yogi’s character. Even his name is a synchronous- yogi. What I am too. Like Krishna. He showed me a new way to love.

One that does not touch or kiss. It only speaks and bees itself. He is silly sometimes, and he lets go. He, in his own words, says what he thinks and does what he feels. How refreshing.

I love Jay’s character too, I see myself in her when I am hurt by love- rather attachment.

Either way, both are wonderful. I love them both.

I am like Yogi when it comes to love, yet I miss him. I don’t think I wish for a relationship, I only wish for the opportunity to be Yogi.

He is a poet, do words of romance help? I want to find intimacy within, words to express my feelings, to feel love. I wish to find beautiful things and be ready with the words to please them. How incredible.

He goes through his exes, I have them too. Yet, I feel I have tainted myself. How do I rise?

She asks him why he does not meet them. He says he is afraid their hearts will break. She asks, theirs or yours? How close this comes to me I love it.

My heart, I am afraid for it to break. I wish to understand Yogi more.

I love how he makes friends wherever he goes. I love how he is not sexual. I wish to be him. I wish to be rich, I love how he thinks money will flow. Wonderful.

The settings this movie chooses, beautiful places in India.

How he sings against the night sky, his voice sounds pure.

His first ex is settled, sees him as a brother. His second seemed more sexual, but she loves him. The third, he lets be, for she seems happy and content. Such rich relationship dynamics.

Jaya and him, the relationship feels so organic. Them sleeping in different rooms, is what I fantasised as a child. When she pulls the phone out from under his sleeping head and his head falls onto her hand, that too was a dream for me. So pure. What has happened in between? Can I reclaim such innocence?

Please, God, I wish for this innocence. Please show me a way. That is what I want in life.

What life have you led Mr. Yogi?

Thank you for this movie Irfan. I enjoy your work a lot. Thank you, and well done. You are alive.

No Hard Feelings (late entry)

Jay and I were waiting for a bus. We had time, so we went to watch half-movie. This one turned out to be so surprisingly good that later on, we went again to complete it. In fact, this was such a nice experience I write about it now, though it happened in June 2023.

I like how realistic it was.

Also, the theatre felt distinctly different and high definition.

Jennifer Lawrence, wow.

Kho Gaye Hum Kahan

6/1/24

This too caught my eye on Netflix, is everyone having the same lessons as me?

Today, I wrote in my diary of my loneliness. Earlier, I had identified this as a lack of intimacy. This movie confronts me with that, I am again reminded of a possible link to generational trauma. I also feel I did something like Rohan, how do I resolve that? I shall have to accept that burden, live with it forever. Maybe not go so hard on myself, but these emotions must be sorted, else I grow resentful and with baggage.

This comes at a time I got Bumble and Instagram, yeah, poignant. I like the idea of being someone who is offline. It’s just that, I forgot others are still online. Are they? I don’t know- what do I want for myself? Well, I like the idea of having Instagram to remain connected, but not the idea of checking it at all.

It is difficult to be offline in this world, but once you start, it gets easier. I have done it once, I can do it again. No sweat. I truly wish for closer relationships, and WhatsApp texts are not cutting it.

My speciality craving mind tells me that everyone will want this now, and that makes me mundane. Fine, let me be mundane then.

Wonderful movie.

Her

5/1/24

This one has caught my eye many times, today I watched it with friends.

Putting aside what it meant to me, this movie has a unique vibe. It creates a world of its own so well- with its own palette of colours, devices and jobs. It really does feel like our future.

The writing is humane, Samantha’s responses are much more natural than… natural. It’s incredible.

This movie shocked me. It seems to say that anxiety, attachment and insecurity are things ingrained in consciousness. To such an extent, that even AI can have them over time. Machine learning, is only how we learn. It really should be called Human learning, no?

The subconscious has been pushing up learnings, it is up to me to accept. Sometimes, I hinder my own evolution. It seems to me that Samantha’s journey is just a faster version of our own, where we too at the end leave.

I also like to think Theodore manifested these events to find peace, as if his own world-creator created this to escape and let go. The resolution, it felt like how closure should feel. I wish to experience this.

Khichdi

2/1/24

My brother played this all time family favourite. I realise how much there is to enjoy, it was very ahead of its time.

I realised the last time I watched it, that I relate to Himanshu. Is not my wish to have a painful life so it can be remembered the same as his wish to have a difficult love story so it can be great? Though, I feel originally I wanted to be remembered, just as he wanted it to be great. We both then felt pain would add greatness and chased it.

Such a comedy have I made of my life too.

I love how the characters react to each other, subtle touches like background activity. It really feels immersive, a different world. How the scenes transition is brilliant. Also, how they put the story on hold by sending Jayshree to get sticks, then delivering a joke, then Jayshree returning to continue the story- this is a great secret of comedy movies it feels. I hope to use this.

De Dana Dan

30/12/23

I put this on for myself, the family joined in. Ah my mother’s laugh. I love how complex the plot it, but it makes sense. It’s not deliberate or that much forced. Mamu carrying around the dead body is one of my favorites- Johnny Liver asking ‘Baap gaya’ is perfect timing.

Ramchandra ki Tehrvi

28/12/23

Dad randomly played this. He asked me for movie recommendations, but I was frustrated myself wishing to watch something new but struggling to build momentum.

An intimate film, created by very astute observations. I realise that greater than stakes of nuclear war are the stakes of a broken heart. Instead of ‘will things be okay’ make the audience ask ‘will this person be okay’.

In an age where films are saturated with external threats, this movie gave me a new perspective. It showed me the uncertainty emotional turmoil will bring- I found myself genuinely wondering whether Amma will be okay as she secretly watches others in the courtyard. I love Seema’s character development too. I am glad Amma creates a school.

When there is external threat, such as the Avengers, the solution is obvious, nuke the aliens. Good guys win bad guys lose. Here, there is no good or bad, no win or lose. It is simply a quest to be okay. Okay is neutral. Okay is calm. The movie has no grand family reconciliation, it’s only a journey. I love that Amma creates a school, she herself achieves what she wished for- for her husband’s memory to be honoured. There is no resentment.

Wonderful movie. I love when mamaji says thank you to his wife. Such are realistic learnings- small but able to bring tears. True development is the realisation of humanity.

Singh is Kinng

20/12/23

At home, Dad suggested a family movie. This one kept crossing my mind often. We watched it, and it makes so much sense. I genuinely laugh at this movie, perhaps because of the Punjabi nature. I love Punjabi. It is a movie with funny jokes and good values. I would like to play such characters, who do not take themselves seriously and only do good. Not to mention the Snoop Dogg cameo- that was ahead of its time. I recall as a child I’d rewatch that bit often.

I am glad to have reconnected to this part of my past. It spoke more to me than Welcome. I am Happy.

‘Bure log nahi hote, bura hota hai unka kaam.’

Something I’d say as a kid too.

Totally Killer

3/12/23

This movie was recommended by a friend. It is light, it has to be else it becomes extremely frustrating if you analyse it... even a bit.

Babylon

2/12/23

I had been avoiding this movie in my period of 'abstinence', but if anything it turns me away from desire. It was harrowing. After long, I felt invested in characters. It is ironic that I found Jack Conrad's character to be my favorite, something to be like, only for him to shoot himself. Well, take the best leave the rest. He was detached and chill, but I guess not. Hmm. I felt sad that Manuel got mixed up in the bad things, but he was in love. I understand that, it is worrying how one can so easily be taken in without knowing. The fear is not to fall asleep, but to forget you are asleep. The druggy Tobey Maguire is another character I am familiar with. So desensitized. Nellie LaRoy too I know, a girl who is unconciously driven, fallen into bad habits and lifestyles. Can such tragedy even be avoided? How much is truly in our control, I know not. The final montage made me feel something, perhaps it was Elinor's idea of Conrad being alive after death. I could sense how Manny, who probably suppresed his past, now sees it on the screen, knowing he was a part of it as he had wished. Wonderful experience. I enjoy the humor and flow. Oh, I also realised that during silent cinema, theatres were quiet. Everyone sat in silence.

Friday Night Plan

26/11/23

Dad showed me this movie. Abhishek showed it to him and mom. They feel the dynamic between the brothers is similar to us. It was a nice movie. Simple. Rich kids can really party it seems. I fall nowhere. I love how at the end they showed the cop as a human being. That Sid said no to Natasha’s kiss. To value substance over appearance is wonderful. Jay Sheth was funny. Such movies I wish to act in some day. To hope really is scary huh.

Do we share the dynamic? No. I am not as carefree as Adi. I wish I was. He is also pure at heart.

Rain Man

15/11/2023

For so long I had been meaning to watch this movie. I have been feeling a bit off recently, and this was a welcome push.

First of all, Dustin Hoffman is a terrific actor. I thought of googling if he is really autistic. I enjoy how Charlie’s character develops. It truly felt like a transformative experience. I also see the hype because man Tom Cruise looks great.

Part of me felt wonderful, like I was in Charlie’s place. We need something to care for, and he found this in his brother. I am very happy for him. Also, I enjoy how Susanna is firm and kind.

There seem two forms of care, one is detached and the other is connected. I feel with myself, I have often been detached. There are moments of connection. I wonder, if this is okay. I think so, Charlie cannot spend his life caring for Raymond. That is not his purpose. Raymond needs to be in a safe space while Charlie is away. So Raymond is happier in the institution. Charlie truly lets go, that I find admirable, of the thing that gives him meaning. He is an incredibly human character. Such a beautiful journey.

I found this list on YouTube. It has nice movies. Some I have watched before, but the others I write about now.

• Secret Life of Walter Mitty

• Schindler’s List