5/6/24 1502

I feel calm. It is lucky. I did it! Rather, it is done. Yesterday, Arjun came over at 8. We went to Udupi for breakfast. Then my friends gave me a surprise. They made a little trail of my photos, which lead to the terrace. There they all were with a cake. It was cute. Then, Selvi Ji also gave me a cake, a Saraswati idol, and an hourglass set. I manifested the hourglass set. It was great. She cried.

Then jay arrived. He feels bigger now. It is always wonderful to see him and hear him laugh. We went to the trampoline park. Oh I injured my thumb on a button. At the trampoline park, all my friends came. Those who didn’t, I did not follow up. I feel calm about that. I am glad they didn’t, because the number of people I booked things for worked out perfectly.
At the trampoline park we jumped around. Obviously. Then at the half hour mark, I got tired. Got some Coca Cola. It energised me and I went again. I attempted to do a slam dunk and sprained my ankle. I was afraid it would not heal, but then I let go. It is okay. In fact, I am sorry I pushed my body beyond its fatigue by using caffeine. It is ok to be tired. Slowly, these fomos shall fall off. I felt okay with the ankle, because it meant something. I let it be and trusted.

After the sprain, I still jumped a bit. Then stopped. The adrenaline and caffeine wore off too so it began to hurt more. I sat. Once everyone was done, we went to the food court. I handed out 500 notes to pairs of 2. Food coupons. I sat and breathed a bit. Through the day I felt quite excited/anxious. In the morning I did not eat much as I felt nauseous. Big plans get me like that, but yesterday told me I can let go. Just do the planning, pay the people, and drift wherever the day takes you. It is nicer and easier on your system.

I put my foot on a chair in the food court. A man asked me to put it down, I nicely told him it is sprained. I recognise the part of my father that would lash out. He would be right, but rebellious. Preksha and Pradyot got me a pizza and milkshake. The milkshake was so sugary. They left. Then, we went to the villa.

The villa we were to reach by 2, but we got an hour and a half late. This too initially made me panic, that we would not get the most value for money, but I let go. I tried to sleep on Kahuwa. Again, could not sleep. Thing is, I equate doing nothing with sleep. And sleep with rest. Perhaps true rest is doing nothing, including trying to sleep.

We reached, it was a wonderful place. I tried to rest again. But eh. Went into the pool. We all played so much. It was great fun. Naman threw a bucket of water from the roof. It made Kahuwa’s glasses and hair wet. She did not want anyone to throw water on her. I felt a bit guilty. This too was a milestone. She yelled, but then became normal. And I got normal too instead of moping and asking the person if they are ok, looking for resolution.

We raced in the pool. Played ping pong too. I sucked at it. I kept getting in and out. I jumped a lot into it, a bit risky, as I would touch the ground, but fun. After the pool, I showered. Everyone else did too. I tried to sleep for a bit. People kept calling me, and the voices echoes. I feel I got auditory overload. Jay, Kahuwa and I went for a little walk. We made jokes and Kahuwa laughed too. It was really nice. Loved it. That is perhaps my favourite part. The countryside was nice too.

We had dinner at 630. Shortage of roti and surplus of curry. I guess everyone was well fed by the end. It was a nice dinner. We then played some mafia.

I had bought a carton of liquor. I wasn’t sure when to open it. I did it after mafia. I feel it could have waited. We tried popping champagne, it didn’t pop. I cut my finger. It was quite underwhelming. I guess, with liquor reveals like this, wait as much as you can. And honestly, both are fine. The sober party was great so was the alcohol.

It took a bit to warm up, but we did. Personally, I had fun. I can handle my liquor quite well. For the others, I have learned to let them be. Megha got quite drunk and had a moment. I guess I did the liquor reveal because I was anxious, that I would fall asleep. I now know alcohol gives energy too.

Because your boy danced for 6 hours straight.

Literally outlasted every single person. At the end it was Jay Sania, and me. Kahuwa had woken up too. I partied with each song from my playlist. Shaivali and I vibed hard. Megha remarked where do I get the energy from. Heh, felt nice. Still got it.

I played banger after banger. Ended it by singing mitwa. I love performing for an audience. Played Michael Jackson too, I forget how influential that part is.

I did the liquor reveal around 7-8 pm. It can be done at 10pm. From what I got, we finished one white wine bottle, champagne was wasted, 3 breezers, 2 big Bacardi pluses, 1.5 bottle of tequila, 2 sojus, 1 beer can. 1.5 bottles of tequila were left. 12 drinkers I think. Not bad.

Personally, I had 1.5 Bacardi plus, 4 shots of tequila, half a bottle of wine. A lot of water. Not bad.

Popcorn is a great party food. Arjun and I had gotten snacks while these guys set up to surprise me. Apparently, my 30 min meditation was a major inconvenience for them. I had a hint though, that there is a setup.

Why don’t I feel surprised? I am not that connected. I am not vulnerable or emotionally attached. I have learned to enjoy my own company.

Then I slept on the sofa. I lay down a few times, but came back again. Every time Jay would say ‘Oh he goin down now.’ It was very fun. Finally I slept.

And woke up to monkeys. There were monkeys. After two hours, some commotion woke me up, there were 3 monkeys in front of me on the staircase. They were eating fruit. The terrace door was open. I was upset about people leaving the door open, but eh. It happens. Then, The monkeys left. I closed the door. One monkey was about to come back again. I think they pooped in the staircase. It smelled bad. Then, I went to bed again upstairs. Oh how good a bed feels after a sofa pass out. Loved it.

Oh last night I gave a speech for people. I don’t like speeches now. I haven’t anything to say. Still, they wanted me to say things about them. I said them. Perhaps they aren’t aware of closer connections.

After sleeping on the bed, I woke up, showered and ate a bit. We did a best worst part of the 3 years. I see how joyful Jay is. I am very lucky to have him. I hope to see him soon and have a good time. Huh, he may have children some day. I wonder how that would be.

We went then. Arjun, Kahuwa, Sonia, Shalom and I went in the Santro. They dropped me. I spoke a lot on the way. I went first, then came back. In this case, it was better to bid farewell to others, to watch them go.

Don’t cry as I leave? Not anymore. It is okay if you cry or you don’t. I am away.

I guess, sometimes one can get afraid of how much he is loved by others. To be unable to reciprocate. To receive is good enough.

Now, we are on our way home. The episode has ended. I met Durga on the 2nd. All has worked out. I left her on a good note. I have completed this.

Now, let us see what happens.