This frustrates me:

05/12/23

Whenever I contemplate reading a book I am hounded by this question of making notes, speed reading or slow reading, online or offline. I hate it. It discourages me from reading a book. Incredibly annoying.

How about this: speed read online, reread offline. That way, I get to finish all books at least once quickly. Let the subconcious handle it. Then, I can read them properly to make notes and add them to my collection. I buy fewer books, ensure more are fully read. To half ass a job it seems here, is better than overthinking it to high hell. Especially newer books. I let go of my obsession with dates, records and quantity.

The Power of Now, Echkart Tolle:

I learned about how compassion requires you to feel the bond you share with others. This bond is dual in nature, it is a bond of mortality- how both of you will soon be dead- and of immortality- how both of you share a divine nature. The former lets you go of the negativity while the latter brings in positivity- I think. Perhaps the latter also gives you faith.

Judgement is either to confuse someone’s unconscious behaviour with who they are or to project your own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that for who they are. To relinquish judgement does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means “being" the knowing” rather than “being the reaction” and the judge. You will then either be totally free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing, the space in which the reaction is watched and allowed to be… Being the knowing creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and all people to be as they are.

Bullet for Bullet, Julio Ribeiro:

An officer can get over the inbuilt odium attached to his profession only through transparent actions that send clear messages to the people that he is on their side in the fight against all forms of injustice.

‘Mr Mehta, a man’s worth is counted from his chin upwards’- Girija Shankar Bajpai

12 Rules for Life, Jordan Peterson:

10/11/2023

I am at another slump, the cycle continues. There are two ways to think about this as a video game:

I am on the same level, getting slapped around by the same monster

I am on the next level, getting slapped around by a stronger monster

I choose the latter. The last level involved quitting porn, great attempts to cub mastubation, reaching consciounsess, going to the gym, jogging, singing. It seems that that structure of order is now collapsing. The question is, will I fall down levels or rise up. We will rise.

This last level gave me a glimpse of the goodness within. It was exhilirating. I want that.

We go back to tested methods, there is so much to always learn from Dr. Peterson. In his work, you focus on different aspects at different points in life- so it seems a trusted thing to fall back on. It is like the Gita which speaks to you as you need. Incredible.

I learn of serotonin. Yes, it has been falling. I feel weak. My posture droops- the sccariest part is how easily justifiable all of this is. How do we improve serotonin? He suggests breakfast and sleep. Crazy how this is obvious to me yet that is what I have been screwing up on. Well, breakfast has been incredibly consistent- only my time of waking has not. Let me once and for all resolve this matter.

The issue arises when, after a period of waking up early, I feel I should rest. If I schedule micro rests, a threshold for laziness, perhaps this will cease to be the case. Indeed, I ought to choose not only a time to wake up early but also a time to sleep in. Lest there be mutiny in my house.

What about afternoon naps? Don't focus on them. Focus on the positive- that is to wake up each day at a given time. What time you say?

Herein is another issue- I began to wake up at 5 but kept pushing to wake up at 4 to have more time. Strange, how easily we get greedy even for health. This greed eventually burns me out. I begin to think that even 5 am is not good enough for me. Then I lose it all, how funny.

Let me choose a time, let me choose a rest day, let me choose a date to review the time. Until that date, let me not mess with my decision.

Let's see now: waking up at 5 is a wonderful experience. I think I get greedy because of college, if there was no college I would find that 5 am is enough time to do it all. This creates a split- some days I have more time after 5 and some days less. Strange thing is, I attribute having less time to not waking up earlier instead of accepting this is college. I also get greedy with my morning routing- piling things one after another. For this too, I must identify what is most important to me.

There has to be activity after waking up, this is certain, else we fall back into sleep. This activity must be doable each day, a simple task. Here are the options:

shower

brush

eat

push ups

write

read

Ok, I will do this. The trick seems to be to keep short, easy to do tasks. Heh, this seems to foreshadow Atomic Habits.

I will not shower first thing. I will do the tasks first. Then shower.

Tomorrow I will

Make my bed

Drink a glass of water

meditate for 3 minutes

do 3 pushups

read 3 pages

write the flow for the day with 3 tasks to do

I begin my day by brushing my teeth, showering and washing my face, doing skin care, chaging into the days clothes and drinking a protein water.

Keep in mind, the routine is not your achievement. It only sets you up for greatness. Aim high. Current goals:

Singing 1 hour a day

Reset 15 times

Read all the books