I resolved two past conflicts. Their resolution did not involve blame but understanding. Understanding how these events fit in my life.

This movie hit hard. It is the most unique concept I have seen. I am eternally grateful that I clicked on it- it had come across my feed many times. Today it was on the top, and I felt drawn. I clicked it. My perspective. I have no words. I do not wish to lose what I gained.

When she says she is not a concept, I saw that's what I was doing to Durga. I made her a concept that would save me. I chased that concept. I too assumed she slept around. I too wished to be held by my mother. That part where he becomes a kid in the kitchen is akin to my acid trip with her.

Then is the hair color part, she gave off the same energy when I met her. The excitement, Clementine calling Joel into the house on the beach was when Durga called me upstairs. I did not go. I did not complete it. That scene where she tells him to say goodbye made me feel so much... emotion.

I ran from the beach then went to Durga again. Joel ran from the room and went to Clementine again. Both people looked to make the girl a concept, a completion. A relationship sprung where I became boring and thought her a whore. I became insecure and she became resentful to my losership. She got a guy I consider like Patrick.

I am shattered yet whole.

The relationship had ups and then downs. It ended in a great fight. She neglected him. He did not communicate. I feel so- just so much I do not know what to say.

The shooting style, the dream sequences, so ahead of its time I know Jim Carrey. Well done. If I become an actor I aspire to be like you. My breath is taken away, I literally feel short in it.

This movie comes at a time of resolution. A day before Durga's birthday.

He tried hard to forget her, yet when the time came he scrambled to save the memories. Memory version of her saw his memories, she saw 'him', and she had felt he is a closed book. She saw him, even if 'she' was a memory. She was so kind in those memories, my heart melted, especially when Joel is bullied by Frank. For him the experience of opening up to the memory version of her is the same as the real one. It is the opening up which is transformative.

My god when that house broke down. When she told him to say goodbye. I feel so much. I have no words. Exactly me. How surreal it is to see such similarity. What do I do with this? How do I move ahead? Or do I move ahead because I am too afraid to stay here. Is it not obvious by now I need not move. These shifts, will attract life.

This movie is packed with meaning. The female anima who saves him. Literally, anima means alive, and Clementine is liveliness.

Whatever it is, I know to call her and wish her a happy birthday. I will do so. Many months ago I wondered what I would do if it was her birthday, I told myself the answer will come nearer to the date. 3 hours to go. Incredible. God you have outdone yourself.

I wonder if she has watched this movie.

I know I made her into a concept. I realised yesterday that for all the crap I gave her about being attached to me, I was the one attached to her.

Good morning. Happy birthday. I realised yesterday that I gave you crap for being attached to me, but I realise I was in reality attached to you. I made you into a concept that would cure my trauma of exchange, worsening my life and blaming you for it. I am sorry. I hope you have a good day.

Wow. Oh wow. I shall meditate now.

Such a sneaky little movie you were. Started off normal then ceaselessly punching me in the gut. Well done. Honestly.