The signs in my world have been telling me to pursue lucid dreaming. I have had this desire to learn how to control my dreams for many years. It springs up now and then. The first time, I pursued it and when I had a lucid dream, I climbed my wall. The excitement woke me up. I felt disappointed in myself.

I am unable to imagine. I cannot visualise. So much stimulation. This is another thing we may have lost. I intend to reclaim it. I considered this query of visualisation two days ago- asking classmates if they can imagine.

Now this pursuit has come back. Youtube recommended to me a video on lucid dreaming. I watch it, and it gives me the answer to many questions- what is a worthy past time, how do I become better with my mind and how do find myself.

Then, a few days ago, I was unable to sleep due to a back ache. My father recommended yog nidra. This is another idea I had always wished to pursue. The first time I experienced it was in karate class- 8th grade. Our sensei walked us through it, and I was amazed by this technique. I intended to pursue it, but could not.

It feels like this was a definition I tried to understand. Like children defining capitalism. Only with time and wisdom can you understand it. Perhaps that is why I could not pursue it. I was not ready. Interestingly this is the only undone task of my past which I did not guilt myself for- like saying ‘If you had pursued your dream of another exchange year’ in my worst of times.

One of the greatest signs was in the Gita. I understand now that what Krishna calls wakeful sleep; what father, yogis and sensei call Yog Nidra; what the internet calls lucid dreaming- they are the same thing. Being awake in his sleep is the mark of the greatest yogi. I had also desired to be the greatest yogi.

Another source, is rather unconventional. I do not know much about Andrew Tate. I know people feel polarized by it. I know he is politically incorrect as a topic. I too see both sides to him. He is one of those strange people I can only hope to understand and not judge. I wish to understand so I can take the best and learn the best ways of him and leave whatever I disagree with. I wish to argue with him to know his character. This seems the only way I can overcome the pressure I feel by society to choose sides blindly. I wish to speak my mind without this conflict. This restriction. Can we all just speak our minds and listen? I will learn to listen.

Back to this. The only thing I recall of Andrew Tate, that I listened to fully, was that he gave a tip, a reminder, to Lucid Dream.

You get a lot more control over your subconscious mind. You get the power to affect your dreams. I have lived an entire life. I have years of memories of living a life in my subconscious while I was asleep. I have all of the memories. But the point is my mind has two lives in it- I have my conscious life and my unconscious life. I have lived both. I remember them the same. I have trained my mind to do this.

Another unrelated link was that for multiple periods in my life I have sought sleep hypnosis. In my phase of addiction, I sought erotic hypnosis to fulfil my cravings. Perhaps this is another reason this art was kept from me, I was pursuing addiction. Now I learn to let go and to overcome my desire. Is this why I have been presented with this pursuit again?

For I see more purpose to it. I see signs telling me this is something worth pursuing. I see reason for my free time in it. I see many questions answered in it- for I have been looking for myself. Where else?

So these are the signs- YouTube, Krishna, Father, Sensei, sleep hypnosis, heck even Andrew Tate and raja yoga. Herein it feels is something worth my time.

18/10/23

I have been pursuing this. Today, I understood the possibilities better.

I learned that I can either become lucid and create the world or create the world and become lucid. I wish to learn the former. The line between dreams and reality fades. They say that in dreams, when we realise there is no need to fear, all fear ceases. Is this not true for reality as well? Does the past not suggest that this is all a dream we only need to wake up from. It seems that instead of breaking this dream, we have gone a stage further in by getting involved in digital worlds. If we can create such a world, it is more understandable that we created reality. Only to remember how.

To remember, or to learn. Learn to remember. I believe that if I access the knowledge within I will know everything. Everything is a repetition, we must only see the patterns. For example, if I tell you that a basic plot structure is paradise, paradise lost and paradise regained, you shall see it in everything. It seems I have forgotten the plot structure.

Imagine:

• A door in your dreams, that lead to nightmares. It is like a door to a quest which you choose to take.

• To make a space in my mind, a notepad, which is shared by the dream world and this world, so I can leave messages.

• How wonderful it would be to have a workshop full of helpers ready to serve my needs. In return I only exist and love them as Ram did Hanuman. Let myself be aided by them, for nobody else can help me.

• An Interstellar plot- I visit moments of my past in my dreams and spectate. I relay messages which guide his future. Perhaps I may speak to him, to better understand the decisions which led to my present.

• A snake whom I fear. I face him. We become companions.

• Who will be my first lucid dream mentor. A Dumbledore figure. One who knows.

• Anxiety is now a dreamsign. A dreamsign is now a signal to become more conscious. If dreams and reality are the same, does that not mean in anxiety I need only to heighten my awareness. To do so, how? Is the secret in breathing.

• I wish to improve my memory.

• Masturbation, alcohol, pron and weed are obstacles. I HAVE NO TIME.

“It was good that Stephen realised he was dreaming and could fly,” Shah observed with a bemused tone, “but unfortunate that he didn’t see that since it was a dream, there was no need to escape.”

-Pg. 231, Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming by Stephen LaBerge.