We had Ignitors at college. It is a yearly programme designed to teach students things to help them become more complete. I feel it is a step in the right direction, and it is one of the few things my critical mind can accept with respect. That is not to say all sessions are useful. Many peers find these sessions a waste of time and a method of brainwashing. I have shared that attitude as well.

Last year, I felt appreciation for this programme. I recall feeling ‘huh, not bad'. I do not remember if I felt this way in the first year too. It is possible I felt it, because this year too I went ‘huh, not bad’. Incredible how memory works sometimes.

It is one of my favourite things about myself: often I forget many things and when people tell me what I said or did, I rediscover myself with joy. It is like a dog hiding a bone, forgetting it, then discovering it with joy. It is like burying treasure only to rediscover it. I believe my mind does so like a parent for its child, holding away wonderful things so it can rediscover. I know this, because my memory has never failed me when it counted. (I got sidetracked here and wrote this, interestingly it also deals with the value placed on morality).

Back to values. I have often wrestled with this question- what are values and what are good values. Yes, there were many answers, but the difference between reading answers and understanding them yourself is akin to listening to a guitar rift on YouTube and playing it yourself. You do not play it to sound better, but you play it to learn and improve.

In one of these sessions I got confronted with this problem I had forgotten about. That is another great thing about learning, you may wrestle and then stop. In this break, your mind actively processes things so that when you get back to wrestling, you are better. It is not only active practice that helps, in fact I believe passive practice counts more. What I mean here is this- I can focus on the question of values, but this focus will only get me so far. Once I let go of the question and focus on other things in life, I pick up ideas which will help me with the next session of focus on values. It is like any skill, you cannot learn it in a day.

Looking at things this way calms me down when I freak out about not making progress. I freak out about whether I will forget to get back to values. But look, the universe brought me this question again on my path. It also makes me understand better that nothing I put my mind to will ever go to waste, all skills are transferable. One of the best tools one can have is critical disagreement. Finding joy in argument and dissection makes it possible to focus on things we are against. This is my chief argument against saying I will not pay attention because I am not in agreement with this. This helps me listen actively.

In fact, having something I disagreed with is exactly why I am writing this post. The person who conducted the session on values, I thoroughly disagreed with. Initially it was anger, but when I asked why, I was forced to defend my stance. In this process, I went from seeing the wrong answers to finding the right ones. There are many wrong answers- you will not last finding the truth by the process of simple elimination. What I mean by simple elimination is that sometimes we may be given juice and we reject it. This only applies if the rejection results in anger. In some cases, we can simply let go when confronted with things we do not want.

Assuming we want juice and someone gives us juice we reject it and complain that the person gave us the wrong juice. This is simple rejection. It does not tell us what we want, only what we do not want. To go beyond, we must ask ourselves why do we reject it. This is also my argument against avoiding all negative things. Avoid the ones where you can let go, but when there is conflict it probably means you want something. In this case, in the conflict of a wrong understanding of values, it meant I cared about the understanding of values. And to understand something we must look at all sides, especially the ones we disagree with.

To go beyond simple rejection means to ask ourselves why do we reject this, and if we find this out we are closer to the answer. For example, I rejected the juice because it looked dull. Then, I ask myself which juices look bright? By doing so, I am saved from the trouble of going through the same process. If I rejected beetroot juice, and understood it was because it was dull, I do not need to waste time rejecting other dull juices like kale. Yes, there are benefits to them, but the conflict means I value color over benefits. This is another important premise to grasp, to not give into morality. My intention is not to never drink beetroot juice, but to overcome the conflict that comes. This is one process to identify values and refine them.

Now I know I like bright juices, this means I will try out orange. Having resolved the conflict of sight, it may mean I like orange juice or still dislike it. If I like it I can stick to it. I would recommend figuring out why I like it i.e. the values I do enjoy. It is bright, sweet and fun to make. Because one day may come I get bored of it, then I can pursue other juices which share the same values orange juice has.

If I still do not like orange juice, I will then understand what I do not like. Let us say I realise it is expensive. Okay, incentive to make more money or to find another juice which is inexpensive. I keep on going until the conflict within me is resolved.

Another method of resolving the conflict is to let go of everything. However, this is not useful if we do it out of spite. Then we are only suppressing the conflict. Immediate renunciation is nothing but this speed of conflict resolution being perfected to a point where it is second nature. I find it hard to let go, and this is made worse when I say letting go is the best thing I can do. To expect ourselves to be okay without any consideration for why we are not okay is, I think, morality. It is the same as criticising criminals without understanding why they are criminals. Often, I feel society jumps to judgement because it it thought it would realise so many problems within itself. It would realise that it prefers the color of the juice instead of health benefits. This is again morality- let go of good or bad and see what you truly enjoy. I think this is why not all smokers have cancers and not all non-smokers have health. Everyone has their own path.

I then say, but the Buddha was a human being, he could let go of everything. Here too, we assume he was born enlightened. In fact, whenever we assume someone just has something, we forget the effort. It is not our fault, they are so good at what they do it seems effortless. Paradoxically, their effort makes it effortless. Buddha too strove to understood everything first then let go. He did not do so blindly. So whatever conflict you are in right now is a blessing if it is understood. And you will, there is nothing I can preach to you that will help. You way is your own. I only hope that you do not let go of the desire to resolve this conflict. That is all that matters. And as long as you love yourself, you will not let this desire go. So, I hope you fight for yourself. That’s all that matters, you.

Back to values. I better understood whatever is a useful value is a good value. It means it is easy to apply. Basically, if we think of values as a road, any road which feels shortest is best. Shortness does not mean distance. Sometimes a short road is full of obstacles, while the longer path is empty. I say that the best value is a shortcut. Now, we often say shortcuts are bad. This is akin to saying the road is bad. No, what we mean by this is that the destination is bad. For example, alcohol is not bad, the destination of alcoholism is bad. Now let go of goodness and badness and see alcoholism for what it truly is. Do not blindly believe others. Make your own observations. Understand it and then let the path go. A very good way to decide whether this path is for you or not is the question- am I enjoying this road. Enjoyment does not mean the road is easy. The path full of obstacles may be a shortcut to someone who enjoys obstacles too. While the longer path- though empty- will be difficult for this person.

So, I guess shortness does not mean distance. It means enjoyment. When we enjoy something we lose track of time. I will think about this further.

In class I wrote this:

‘Value of not lying is different from the value of telling the truth. It is different because to tell teh truth you must be aware of the truth. however, to tell a lie you must be aware of the lie. Values for the conscious mind apply only to things we are aware of. To be aware of a lie is easier than to be aware of the truth. When we can eliminate a lie, we get to the truth.’

So I realised the differences in values. If the destination is honesty, the value of always telling the truth is different from the value of not lying for me. In the former, I panic. I keep looking for the truth. A value should, I wonder, remove impurity rather than try to add purity. If I assume I am someone who always wishes to be honest, then the value of always tell the truth is strange. It is like saying that if I wish to have pure milk, I must always have pure milk. To make milk pure you do not add pure milk, you remove the impurity no? The great tragedy lies in the instances where I begin to identify myself with the impurities. Impurities mean morality- both good and evil. So when I identify with the impurities, I panic when they are removed. I think I am being removed. But I am not the impurity.

I am milk, so a value should work to remove impurities. Thus I concluded that the value of not lying is better than telling the truth. To tell the truth I must always be on the lookout for truth. But I am the truth. This means I must always be on the lookout for myself, constantly think of myself. I do not wish to do so. This is worry still. That I may cease to be the truth. How could I?

A great truth is I am everything I wish to be. I am the milk, but to live in this world means that things will fall into the milk. This is not the fault of the milk. It is how the life I have chosen is. I enjoy obstacles, I enjoy understanding. If there were no impurities, I would get bored. The best part is there are always impurities. Something keeps falling in. But that moment when everything is out and there is purity, is what I enjoy. It is what it is, I choose to enjoy it. Many times I fail. Many times I forget or do not realise there is impurity. But as long as the milk is there, I need not fret. I can always get back to it, only a matter of time. Because the milk is immortal.

‘Value of agreement is not the same as the value of polite disagreement and understanding. It seems values are meant as guides in the realistic world. The value of good means there is a knowledge of the choice of evil. However, insistence on good consciously means we feel that if we slip, we become evil. But this is not so. When I am not good, I guilt myself thinking I am evil. But this is a poor value. A better value is to avoid the negative, not pursue the positive. Because the very essence of a human is that he (moments I value Hindi, in it there is simply voh, no gendering. I use he because this is meant for me) is good. He is pure. All you must do is remove the impurity. A drop of dirt in milk- you cannot purify the milk by making the milk purer but by removing the dirt.

So the value of make milk purer is not hte same as the value of remove impurity. Incredible, for to do the latter is far easier than the former- the former is impossible. Milk is milk. It is pure. You cannot act on the milk.’

If I had the value of agreement, then when I was confronted with the presenter who said something opposite to me, I would have two choices:

• I will blindly agree to it as it keeps my value

• I will disagree which is against my value, and then I have conflict. This conflict is why we hate those who oppose us

Another value difference was:

• Value of avoid praise is different from being humble

I am tired now. To conclude, I currently think that a good value is one that can be practiced simply. There is a difference in simplicity and ease.

Ok bye.