Truth be told
Truth be told, I am very excited in this moment.
I am excited about possibilities.
I am excited about a beautiful world to come.
I am excited about what I have to say to you.
My brother has been going through an understandably difficult phase. It is fortunate that we can express ourselves to those we love, even if we do not know we love them. The body knows. It seeks to spit out the poison, and knows where it can be neutralised. To an outsider this may seem like a brutal process, but ask anyone who has loved and they will tell you this- ‘I would rather he lash out on me than lash out on himself’. To an untrained mind or a hardened heart, love seems powerless. It is, however, quite a strong force. I have proof.
Yesterday, my brother and my mother fought. It caused unease, but I have learned to let go. It is easier to help someone when we are calm. It was a terrible fight, one of the worst ones. I chose to distract myself by watching the new Kendrick Lamar video. Then my mother walked in, like a lost little girl, and began to cry.
This morning I sat to meditate. It was a good session. I also began to read the Power of Your Subconscious Mind. This time, it spoke of turning the problem I face to the subconscious. I began to be excited, it is when I wrote the first four lines you read. As I began to be excited, I saw myself overwhelmed- so many things I can gain, what if I choose poorly? For some, the realisation of the power within may be akin to a person suffering from poverty winning the lottery. They may get overwhelmed with the money and fear spending it poorly. Sometimes they do spend it poorly, just as the initial realisation may fade away.
If this has happened to you, if you have broken out of the suffering, the matrix, only to find yourself there again right now, I have an insight. You did not lose the money because you are unwise. Your lesson was not to gain or lose money, but to recognise the fluidity of it. The true battle lies not in being good, but in allowing yourself to feel good. You lost the money to show yourself ‘look, as easily as it comes, it can be lost.’ Those who cling to poverty lose as much as those who cling to money. Your freedom is this- life is flowing, there is enough, you need only ask. Why must you hoard, if you are certain you can have enough for today?
You lost, so you can remember how easy it is to win.
The second realisation will come, and this time, you will not be overwhelmed. You will not fear losing the money. You will be able to relax, and go with the flow instead of damming the water.
As my overwhelm subsided, I wondered- given all the problems I can solve, which one should I solve? This was complemented by another realisation this morning. A wonderful question to ask ourselves is this- ‘What can I do to improve my life, right now, immediately in terms of space and time?’ Simple answers will come, physically at first, such as straightening the photo frame, folding the blanket, sharpening a pencil. Then there will be answers on the metaphysical plane as well. Thus I applied this principle in the current moment, where I wondered what problem to solve with my mind.
I looked around at my current life, the biggest problem facing me right now. A flash came, speaking of my brother. An indication that you are in the right direction can be if your request helps others. This may not be your only criterion however, in truth what helps others helps ourselves as much as what helps ourselves helps others. So do not worry about being selfless or selfish, they will come to be the same thing with the right action. Perhaps I misspoke- an indication that you are in the right direction is if your request helps.
Once this request came, to help my brother, I did not dwell on it. It was a novel request. I wondered why do I not pursue this much.
One more thing, if you find yourself anxious about your wish being granted, this is a sign of fear. It would be better then, to first wish for this fear to leave you. These are intricacies, they are fascinating intricacies and I am thrilled to be wanting to share them with you, but I must focus on the goal to show you what is possible first, with the hopes of awakening something slumbering through sheer excitement.
After that request, came other things. I continued to read. I had also been suggested to write something insightful yesterday. I had wondered what to write, and I knew the answer would come. As I read, I became sleepy. However, the timer was on. It felt wise to complete what I had begun, so I read more. A flash came saying if I sleep saying ‘I want to know what to write’ it would be cool. However, as you practice this more and more, you will see things can be instant. I did not sleep, and once the timer ended, I was charged up to write this. After writing the first four lines, I did not know what to write, and I got a call. I completed that call and stepped out. Again, the key is relaxation.
I stepped out and met my mother. She hugged me saying my brother spoke to her and father and was looking to talk to me. She hugged me tight and began to cry. I was happy. I told her I had thought about this, and she asked why didn’t I do it before. In that moment I became defensive- it is a deep desire of mine to be acknowledged. In fact, during my meditation I wished for that too. They set me at unease, these thoughts, but now that I think about it,
Why didn’t I do it before?