My first host family was a bit different. They expressed care in a manner that I did not fully comprehend, so they often came off as rude. I think we had dinner together three times in four months. If I wanted to stop at a shop on road trips, or wanted friends over I couldn’t say it and inconvenience them. They would have been cool with it but I just couldn’t. They didn’t understand my jokes or why I like certain things.

Four months of this. Then I changed my host family twice and when my new host moms remembered my favorite dishes and the names of my best friends I was overwhelmed. Simple things like having “my own cup” in the house or my host mom lecturing me about my low vitamin intake made me feel like crying with joy. These little things made me feel like I belong there.

Furthermore this makes me want to stay in touch once I leave. I’ve already visited my second family.

So pro tip- the small things matter. You’ve heard it a lot but here’s a list of things I noticed. Works especially if you’re school or college going:

These have gotten me quite far. From making my enemies into friends and winning elections to finding meaningful relationships.. These open up opportunities to get close to people and connect better. You’ll come off as a chill person. Normally I’d never share my methods but perhaps you can put them to better use.

They’re simple and you may say ‘Ugh obviously I know this’ But no, it’s like how you know the meaning of furthermore and overmorrow- two incredibly useful words which we regularly forget to use instead of ‘and’ and ‘day after tomorrow’.

• Introduce yourself. This is so important. We don’t do it anymore. Whenever you interact with someone introduce yourself. I feel that it’s better to introduce myself first and say ‘Hi, I’m/my name is…’ rather than asking them to introduce first. But whatever you prefer, do it. In my initial Finnish courses I didn’t do it with my bench-mates. It created an awkward tension as they’d mind their own business and I felt weird asking them questions. I couldn’t draw their attention; as I didn’t know their name. But then I started introducing myself and sometimes wearing a name tag. Now I can greet them in the corridor, get followers and ask/answer questions easily. Remember that they feel awkward as well. Combine this with the next one

• A firm handshake, a tap on the shoulder and an excited greeting go a long way. Seeing a dog all excited to meet you cheers you up doesn’t it? Be a dog. Be excited to see people and they’ll reflect it.

• Remember names- this is a no brainer

• Remember to use names. Call people out when you see them in corridors (it shows that you notice them among people), smile and greet with a how are you.

• Remember birth-dates. We all want people to wish us on birthdays. It ensures at least one conversation per year. Plus with smartphones it’s quite easy. Also it can be great small talk:

           Person- *blah blah* “I’m born on the 6th of December”

           You, an intellectual- “Oh really! Did you know that’s the Finnish Independence day?”

           Person- “Oh wow, I feel so special now and not awkward because small talk is better

                           than   silence!” 

           See? Magic.    

• Ask what they love doing. Maybe you’ll find a mutual interest.

• Remember one hobby- in our first chat someone told me he likes to swim. So now whenever I meet him I ask him has he been swimming recently. He loves to talk about it. Or my partner for prom was really shy, but whenever I asked her about Ice Hockey she’d open up.

• Genuine compliments. See something you like? Say it! Let them know what a kick-ass haircut they’ve got.

• Introduce people- An ‘I’d like for you to meet….’ makes them feel important.

• See someone sad? Ask them what’s wrong. ‘Oh what if I am assuming and there’s nothing wrong?’- it doesn’t matter even if they’re not actually sad. People love attention.

• Ask for their opinion on things. Whenever my third host mom asks me what did I think of today’s school assembly or a friend shows me a prototype meme, I feel they value my opinion. It’s especially great for school projects.

• ‘How was your day’- worked like a charm in my relationships.

• Follow up - someone tells you they’re going skiing this evening, remember to ask them how it was the next day.

• Carry candy- be it to reward well behaved kids or make someone feel better or just to eat, carrying candy is one of my favorite ideas. Plus, everyone loves people with chocolate, provided you don’t seem like a creep.

• Can we take a picture- Night out or a reunion? Take a picture with them, at least I like it when someone wants to take a picture with me and remember our time. (make sure you keep their privacy and situation in mind otherwise you're again a creep)

Too many, but I hope you learn something new. Ask yourself at the end of each day if you completed them. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll naturally improvise. And of course, if you have your own methods do let me know in the comments. :).