223pm 5/3/24

I saw Lakshmi today, I froze. Why did I freeze? It is now obvious to my body that indeed there is something which troubles me represented by her.

I asked her if the peace she told me of still lasts. She gave me a wonderful reply. It was realistic, down to earth and truly gave me perspective. One of the lines said to focus on becoming something, as all of these things are trivial and cease to matter.

Is that not what I needed to hear? That all of this is trivial. My obsession with some people in my life seems to me just that, an obsession. There is no magical closure, there is nothing to put out for there is no fire. It does not matter if the fire never existed or it died out by burning the house, all that matters is there is no fire.

Upon further introspection I realise what plagues me is this- I miss the power I had over people. That is what I miss thus I do not open up. That is what I seek to establish, thankfully, unsuccessfully.

It seems that I must recognise the power I have over people. It is evident to me how crazy a person can go in isolation. But it is in the deepest mine that one can find diamonds. I wish to find diamonds.

Nowhere in this phase of withdrawal have I felt a longing for other people, only a longing for myself. Thus, it is the right path. It feels like the right path. All is simple. I need not complicate. Today, let me eat good food. Then let me have a good day.