For the past few weeks I have recognised that I have a God Complex. I have supported this argument using the scriptures, but there was no peace in this. This felt more like the product of the ego, emulating something that was true in one moment. Indeed, the feelings of being a God have come, but the complex is very different. Allow me to describe:
In the complex, instead of being a God, one will focus on the fact that others do not see it. One will have arguments in his head, over right and wrong, and choose the easy way out, arguing that since he is God, this is fine. Thus one may disguise a lack of integrity as a non-requirement, since he is God. There will also be self-doubt, all of this is to constantly reassure him that yes, he is God. There is very little peace. There is also, for me, feelings of guilt about am I being arrogant. It is a very egoistic experience. You try to manipulate lives.

I fear becoming a false prophet. It is too easy to do so. Thus I prayed for a way out of this complex, and a dream has come to me.

In it, Tony Stark fights Steve Rogers. Rogers has acted out of a God complex, where he has sacrificed people for goodness. He gives the greater good argument to Tony, who replies saying ‘Don’t say that. If you ascribe your actions to a higher power, you devalue Peter’s (Spiderman) soul. It is okay to be forthright within. To have acted on your own thoughts.’ He says ‘We Starks have come to enjoy so much beauty in so little.’

Now what does this mean.

It is to say that a person who acts like a God, but attributes his actions to God, is not God. There is a split between this person. A God takes responsibility for his actions. In extreme morality, we may find ourselves justifying to ourselves, to which Tony says it is okay. You can be a crappy person and be yourself, this is more like a God than to pretend being a good person and attributing the crappiness to God’s will.

He reassures the human Rogers it is okay to act on his thoughts. In such a way, he humanises him, and death becomes liberation. This has been my favourite logic- to look at those I consider to be wrong as the possessed. In preventing someone from doing wrong, we prevent them from some day coming to their senses and regretting things. We save them by helping them do good. Now who are we to decide what is good? Ourselves. We have our own autonomy. We need not pretend like Steve here. Steve also says in the dream that he got good at hiding the fact that he smokes because Tony told him he needs to be mindful of the number of people depending on him.

Steve is perfect, but how do you know if he is not a secret smoker?

Tony is imperfect. This is what he means by recognising so much beauty in so little- alluding to himself. He considers himself a self-made person, who has found beauty in what was very evil and bad. Tony’s morality is not given, it is only integrity. It seems like this integrity happens to align with morality, but it is not so. An action of integrity can automatically become an action of morality, because the highest morality is being true to ones own self.

Thus, my God Complex was dissolved. Not because of guilt, but because I love Tony a lot more. He has been my favourite superhero, and I think he appeals to us because he went from a selfish person to a self less one. Such a person also accepts death, and dies a hero. If I were to tomorrow cling on to life, then I will become like Raavana. Which brings me to another perspective.

Stark is someone who goes against even God, if he believes the God has become corrupt. That is the only reason to do so, else anything else is due to arrogance or greed, a desire for power. I wonder if the God’s corruption is what allowed Raavana to secure power. He was a hero, until he became a villain.

Steve has become someone so good that he cannot be bad, he hides the ugly. This is me. This is a God complex. Stark is self-made good.

I wonder if this means permanent. It can be so their roles keep switching and one keeps the other in check.

My morality is willing to sacrifice people for goodness, and this is not the way. Kant says that the moment people become a means, the idea is immoral. Similarly, if people become the means to goodness, then the action is wrong.

I am sorry, it seems I went all over the place.

In conclusion, the dream gave me an insight into the God complex, which is something each one of us can suffer from. Our first reaction is to condemn this, it feels like the only way to control it is by demeaning ourselves. The issue with a God complex is not that you consider yourself God, but that you may end up getting attached to the idea of being God, even when you act otherwise. An easy settlement to this matter is to say -Since God is everything, let sin be included as well. But again, this feels like a lie. The God complex is not overcome by lies, they will only create more guilt, and you will become insecure in your godhood.

We must remember that Godhood is for the people, and not the other way round. To be a God is not about having power. The very meaning of Godhood is this:

There were two friends. Both were sculptors. They had both received the same tools from their teachers, but one could make astonishing art while the other attempted to copy this art.

Godhood is about using the tools for creating beauty.  In one, the artist is giving the art meaning while in the other, the artist is seeking for art to give him meaning. This is evident, because he believes if there is a perfect piece of art on his board, this will reflect and make him perfect as well. But the very essence of perfection lies in originality, integrity and a preference for beauty. A God creates beauty. We have the same tools, it is how you use them that will determine your Godhood.

We must remember that Godhood is for the people, the moment you stop serving others, you will enter a God complex. You are trying to convince yourself by a thousand words that you are good, whereas it would only take one act of kindness to lay the matter to rest. You deserve rest.

The dream told me to fight the God Complex, the Steve. It told me to fight by being myself, truly. They say this Yuga is characterised by the coming of a new God. This one destroys everything else, because our very thoughts have become shackles. We have begun to use our tools to create only ourselves, our own portraits, so we can be sure of who we are. What a strange thing. Clinging on to identity is very different from clinging on to ourselves. You might think the latter is better, but isn’t it silly that you are clinging to something which can never be lost? Like holding your own hand. Do not fear. Let go of it. Hold different things, your hands will always be there. Godhood will always be there, focus on being human.

Another conclusion heh, my apologies. Thus the dream gave me insight into my God complex, by telling me that Godliness is not the highest thing I can aspire to, I need not be perfect or good. It tells me that humanity is the highest thing I can aspire to. There are parts of my life which are not pretty, like Steve’s smoking. I pray for the humility to acknowledge this, and let myself be. I also recognise that I cannot be Stark, that would mean, with this awareness, to go out and deliberately prove myself by pulling down Steves. No, life is a reaction. We must not plan to be good, but trust ourselves to know we will do good when the time comes. We will also do bad, but without this knowledge, how will you know goodness?

Integrity is dynamic. Be dynamic.

The dream gave me insight into my God complex. Let me focus more on being, than proving who I am. I hope the same goes for you as well, and that this provided insight. I know it is all over the place, it may not make sense, I am still learning. Sometimes, there are moments which I wish I could capture and relay to you. So we could enjoy them together. I hope this was one. This had been really bothering me- I do not want to be arrogant, yet also not deal with it by self-depreciation. There is a middle way, and that is being human. I guess, doing good out of choice, is a bigger deal. I wish to be a big deal. I want everyone to feel like a big deal in their lives. There Is no reason to feel otherwise. The path is to recognise ourselves. Villain? Be a villain. You are important, but do not do things which you know to be wrong. Do right by yourself, someone may call you a villain, and that is okay. Without you there can be no heroes, let us prove our beliefs by our actions, rather than asking others to step down. In doing so, we flow with life. Be yourself, nothing else.  It is especially easy to become fooled by goodness. As my friend Jack says, a dishonest man is better than an honest one, because you can trust him to be dishonest. And so, don’t be terribly sure if you are doing good. At least, be aware you might be lying to yourself. A good test is asking whether your goodness is for people or people for your goodness. Is it that you look at someone, a beggar, as a way to think yourself good and giving money? Then that is false. Act as the situation arises. Listen to the voice within. I tell you this, because it is easy to waste our life being someone else, chasing perfection or hatred. There are no such things.
I shall conclude now. If my message had any truth, it would have been conveyed by now. Die a hero, this is in our choices. Let go. Have a good time. All my love!

WAIT NO I FORGOT THE VERY FIRST INSIGHT

Steve was fine until he harmed something very dear to Stark! Peter! That is when Stark stepped in. In such a way, examine how your desire to be a God, to be good and perfect, has in fact had the opposite effect. It has hurt my child by stifling expression, and so it gives impetus to fight! Thus, when you see how your faults have hurt you (they are only faults if they have hurt you, else it is all a moral judgement) then these faults will fall away. It is not always clear what the fault in a behaviour is- watching porn and feeling guilty for example, is it the porn or is it you making yourself feel guilty or is it escapism overall? What is certain is pain, the suffering. Perhaps that can be the only thing you are sure of, how much pain you feel. Sometimes, we deny ourselves acknowledgement of suffering. Trying to create suffering, overplaying suffering, is suffering too. A lack of suffering in a world where there is so much suffering, can be suffering. Privilege guilt is still guilt, and anyone guilty is suffering. So don’t deny yourself your pain. It is part of life, and a close sibling of joy.
Ok promise I am done.