Many argue that there is no selfless act in the world. They say that by helping someone, one in fact just helps themself by the positive feeling they get. I would like to argue that a true act of self-lessness is not determined by what the actor feels but rather what the person on the other end feels. Kindness is an act of self-lessness, and like selflessness it is determined by the state it leaves the benefactor in.

For example- I could give one of my friends money if they are in a tough spot. One of my friends could feel embarrassed, inferior and insecure. It would be unkind of me to bring such negative feelings to them. However, the same action could make another friend feel warmth, gratitude and hope which could better be called an act of kindness.

It is interesting to note the earlier friend may feel sheepish at first- which may be unkind- then set on to create a better life for themselves with that money. This could also be called long term kindness. As for the other friend, if they feel entitled to my money and do not reciprocate in monetary or non-monetary terms, it may brew toxic emotions in our friendship which is likely to collapse. In this case, I would be being unkind in the long term to my friendship 

Admittedly, how does one say what is kind and unkind- forget long term or short term. It is too much of a responsibility for me to decide who deserves my kindness and who does not. This has led me to an interesting fix, one which has multiple solutions. The one I had settled on for some time being the attitude of a third-person observer. I do not have the power to influence the lives of other people, and if I do have that power then I do not have the right to influence their lives. A good rule has no exceptions and here the rule of not influencing lives applies even if my action can result in kindness. Moreover, this positive consequence and kindness may later on turn out to be long term unkindness. I stay away.

At what cost though? The cost of people benefiting from my kindness- definitely not. They do not lose out on anything. An ideal being would be adept in finding sustenance in being kind to one’s own self, unfortunately that is not the case. What I do lose out on is the feeling of happiness that comes with kindness. Like I said, many acts of kindness are selfish in terms of the effect they produce on the doer. Spending a day in a garbage dump is hardly anybody’s dream unless they are a trash panda. Though spending a day in a garbage dump in order to sort out and segregate waste in order to save the fish in a river in exchange for a certificate, now that is an act of selfish kindness that our dopamine craving minds will refuse to give up. I wonder how many people would do it if the certification was not present.

Though if the waste is segregated, and the job is getting done, does it really matter what fuels our actions?

So what is true kindness- one where the benefactor benefits without any strings attached and the doer has no ulterior motive.

Until now, not many instances where I was truly kind come to mind. I could argue that a quick but imperfect  answer to what is true kindness is when our actions are short term, have no end result and no certainty of their consequences.

There is a certain joy knowing that I may never be repaid by the old lady I hailed a cab for today. I did not know that I would succeed or be rewarded, good for her that I had the free time. As I know that the effect I created on her for the short term was a positive one. 

She probably said to herself “Wow jeez look at that young man, there is still some good in this generation after all”. This was short term kindness.

Now if she were to die in a car crash in that very cab I hailed for her, that would be long term unkindness.
Luckily, I will never know.